This week, I have been on a quest of epic proportions. The reason for this is that I’m aware that my articles can sometimes be a little negative and, whilst I’m sure you understand why, I wanted to be different this week.

So, on Monday, I launched my quest to find something positive about which to write. Maybe touching or even something organisationally competent.

I began, as all good prison discoveries begin, in the prison showers. I felt sure I’d hear guys talking about something I could look into. I’m afraid to say that nothing I heard was suitable for broadcast, even after the watershed. Harumph, I said to myself and I continued my quest.

My work party – that will be a great source of positivity, I thought. Silly me, I had forgotten that Married At First Sight UK has graced our screens again so everybody was talking about…erm… well, actually, I don’t know because my brain filtered it all away as it doe with all ridiculous nonsense and, quite frankly, harmful TV.

Then it dawned on me. I knew where I had to go so I went there – the exercise yard!

I have to report to you that the exercise yard is a strange and mystical place. In fact, after I finish this article, I might write to Sky TV and suggest they set the next series of Game of Thrones in the exercise yard. There, you will find all manner of creatures and it was there, in the exercise yard, that I achieved my quest.

Now, full disclosure before I accept my invitation to join the Loch Ness Monster Hunt because I have proven my abilities to find rare beasts, I need to confess something. I am not the first person to have found this creature. The Daily Mail found it before me. “What is it you found?” I hear you all shout in a frenzy of excitement.

I found the person who thinks prison is good! Yes, I know! I am so proud of myself for locating him. He actually said “Prison’s great” and that is a direct quote. I almost tripped over in my prison-issue trainers that didn’t come with laces. This person appears to genuinely love being in prison and I was keen to learn the reasons for this.

3 meals a day, TV, a bed, what more could anyone want? This person is the person in the Daily Mail who commits crime in order to go to prison and he’s been doing it all his life since he was growing up in a children’s home. He’s never had a job and he’s been in and out of prison since the ’80s. Proudly he reflects on how clever he is because he’s never had to work for anything. At the end of the conversation, a thought suddenly popped into my head – what would happen if prisons were abolished so you knew you couldn’t be sent to prison again? His reply was interesting – “Oh, f******g Hell, I’d have to get a job and an education and I’d stop committing crime.”

I’ll allow you to draw your own conclusions.

NaN.