Tomorrow is Mothering Sunday and it seems appropriate for me to consider what it must be like to be a parent of someone held in prison. It’s also a good time to write about how important it is to get support from parents whilst in jail. A quick note while I think of it, in Scotland and also the rest of the UK, there is no difference between a prison and a jail, sometimes also spelt gaol. I know that in America they are two different types of facility but here it’s the same thing.

As I do not have a child in prison, I cannot really understand the pressures and the conflicts. On the one hand, they hopefully love their child unconditionally but on the other hand, their child might have acted in a way which is really challenging. So how do they balance those two ideas?

Everyone’s circumstances are different but the younger the prisoner is, the more dependent he or she may be on their parents. Some prisoners lived at home with their parents before they came into prison so there will be a huge sense of mourning and loss. Some parents could begin to think that they are to blame in some way for the actions of their children.

In the most simple cases, the child did commit the act for which they are held, the parent was not the victim and the criminality was understandable. But what about when the child did not commit the crime and they have been falsely convicted? Or what about when the parent was the victim or when the actions of the child cannot be understood? I can empathise with the difficulties that a parent faces and I can understand that the emotional responses develop over time.

Every day, I hear prisoners talking about their parents. We have all been “disabled” by imprisonment and many guys rely on their parents to enable them in a variety of ways, including financially, emotionally and practically (eg sending in new socks when needed). I have to confess to feeling a little saddened when I see a guy expecting too much from their parents and manipulating them into giving the prisoner more than I eel is fair and sometimes the prisoner is downright nasty about their parents and this makes me really sad.

Of course, many prisoners don’t have parents any more and for them it can be very difficult. Parents give a sense of strength and stability. A source of reliable support which is unwavering and if you don’t have parents then there is no-one to give you that parental scaffolding. And, of course, we don’t realise really and truly how fundamentally important our parents are until they’re no longer there.

Tomorrow, I’ll be thinking of my Mum but it’s true to say I think about my parents every day. My whole family is so very important to me and at this time of imprisonment, it is vital that we appreciate that family bond.

NaN.